out of time, out of space

I feel like I'm split in two. In the place that I am in and in the place that I should be. Being home again living with mum and dad is strange indeed and feels like I'm regressing back to a teenager. Taking a more active role as a 'child' rather than adult. This is to be expected, people can't help but fall into roles that they have always filled...it's comfortable.

I feel like I should be branching out, getting a job and taking initiative, buying a house in Northern NSW, living by the beach. Leading the life I know I am capable of leading with ease. It's strange because I want so much to be in that place now and yet I also know that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be, here at home helping mum through this tough time.

That's probably why I'm reluctant to actively search for work because it will take me away for a lot of the time. I've got it in my mind that just by being here I can make it an easier transition. I feel like I am living in a world where two parallel presents are running alongside each other simultaneously. I have to choose which one will lead to my future, to the future I want. This splitting of self cannot be maintained for any extended period of time. I must choose a path, and soon.