And so it goes...

So many options, so many choices, so many paths and I don't know where to go. I've always been so certain, so sure of myself. I have always known exactly what I was going to do and I never realised how unsettling it is for someone not to have that clarity. It's so unsettling, I feel like I'm losing confidence in myself because I have been circling, hovering since I came home. Running around and convincing myself that at any moment I will make up my mind and be going somewhere again. This just doesn't feel right. Brisbane doesn't feel right anymore. I don't have a place here. Not at this time anyway.

I love this city but right now, it's no good for me, for me to grow I have to be somewhere else. I went to a job interview today, it was a group interview for a sales promotion company. Commission, entirely. No base wage. If you don't sell, you get nothing. I am just way too uncomfortable with that. Sure, if you're good at it, you can be in the bracket where you earn very good money. I think that I don't want to earn money by interrupting people dinners or Home and Away episodes (if anyone still watches that.) I don't want to be that person where people turn off the lights and pretend that noone is home. I suppose it's good that I know I don't want to do that. It means crossing something off the list. One less choice. I can decide by process of elimination. That's never been done by me before, to choose the thing that I hate the least...hmmm 'thats what I'll do!' That's so sad...it'll have to do for now I suppose.

So I have another interview tomorrow with a sports promotion company. I really should have actually hazarded more than a glance before applying for all these jobs, it'll probably end up being commission too. Might as well apply to Maccas, earn a pretty good wage with opportunities to slack off. I want so much to be able to make a business out of my own creativity. Or to have the opportunity to be in a working environment where such ideas can be expressed. I'd love so much to have an etsy store or something, or even selling second hand stuff on ebay. I love sorting through what other people have thrown out, one mans trash... y'know...

I love searching through old op shops, markets and garage sales. I am particularly looking forward to the kerbside collection. Today I was cleaning up the office a little, dad is such a hoarder! It turns out well for me sometimes, but this, this was out of control. I filled an empty garbage bin ( the large kind) to the very brim entirely of old business tapes. This was with a couple of shakedowns there too. I couldn't believe it, I knew there was quite a bit of junk, but this was a whole new level! So now there are a few shelves cleared and some semblance of organisation in some parts of the room. It's going to take a mammoth effort anyways. This'll be something to keep me occupied for a while, mums are good at finding things like that.